Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I enjoy the company of your penis
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