Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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