And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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