Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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