Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
