I hope mine doesn't look like that
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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