I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
