So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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