he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ok first of all what the fuck
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
