He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
