If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I just sharted jello shots
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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