I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I believe in your delicious
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
