Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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