i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
