ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
