a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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