bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
