I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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