haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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