She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am spending my child support on dildos
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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