Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
