It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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