M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
