I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
