Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
