yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
