Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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