his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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