Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
