As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
