I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
