The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
