Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
