Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
