have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
