he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
