When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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