ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
