No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i've created a new STD.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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