Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
