There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
