In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
