she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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