Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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