guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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