i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
