ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
