So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
