New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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