your parents love me but you hate me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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