Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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